SCRIPTURE - John 15:9-17
As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.
PREPARE THE PEOPLE -
Many of us have multiple “crowds” that we associate with at various times in life. Yet, even with having a lot of friends, we often are lonely because very few of our relationships have much depth. Loneliness permeates our culture among all generations- and some of that stems from not knowing what being a friend means. It can be confusing, especially for those of us who are active participants on Instagram or Facebook- or even TikTok. What does friendship mean in those “crowds?” What does it mean to be a good friend in-person?
Our Western/ twenty-first century world is completely different from first century Jerusalem. Today, we call each other “friend” with no real consequence. Our lives don’t depend on our friendships, and to call someone a friend is not offensive or boundary breaking. “You are my friend” can be flippant and superficial - and also lonely. Jesus had no time for that. The Romans were coming after them, there was a sense of urgency, and friendship could be live-giving, or life-threatening. In Greek, friendship means reciprocity and the Hebrew meaning is to be one of a flock. Friendship was not a solo endeavor.
It’s interesting because first Jesus teaches the disciples to serve. Then he takes it even further, affirming that they are no longer just servants but also friends. I want you to reflect on the times that you have been in service to the other. Was the relationship reciprocal? Did you feel like you belonged and that the other belonged? Was there a sense of equity among all people? That's the thing with our western culture. We can walk in and serve another person, call them “friend,” and then walk away. We have the privilege to do that. Jesus has other thoughts---he says, lay down your life. Sacrifice what matters in service to others-that’s the theology of friendship. The root of the word sacrifice is “sacred.” When we lay down our lives for our friends, we make those relationships holy.
Jesus taught his disciples to serve and then he taught them about being friends. All in preparation to take care of each other - I mean really care for each other - especially when it all goes nonlinear or the rubber meets the road. To be friends was not a passive request. To be friends in the 1st century, barely surviving under the thumb of the Roman Empire meant more than what we often sign up for when we follow our “friend” on Facebook or take cookies to a new neighbor. To be friends is kingdom work. And, there is nothing easy about kingdom work. Jesus was not asking his disciples to do anything that he would not do himself. He healed them, prayed for them, washed their feet, and ultimately, those relationships were so important to him, he was killed because the Roman government recognized those deep and abiding relationships as a threat to their current structure and way of living. What does it mean for us as Western, twenty-first century people to be friends? Jesus-friends?
Lilla Watson, a Australian indiginous activist says, “If you have come here to help me you are wasting your time, but if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”What does it mean for us to be Jesus-friends as we return to worship together? It means that some of our needs in this space will be met, and we will also hold space for the needs of others.
What does it mean for us to be Jesus-friends as we host unhoused families in our space? It means we will serve by creating a safe space for people to live and belong - AND - we see them as friends - sharing mutual respect and reciprocity. We can wash their dishes and check in about our days, play with the children and share meals together. We don’t need to die for them or not have good emotional boundaries, but we must engage the theology of friendship in the way our faith calls us, we must make it holy.
Jesus spoke the commandment to love one another as a friend. I find these words vague. It’s like he tossed these words into the air for us all to decide for ourselves what that means. Some interpret this as “Be good,” or “Be careful, God is watching you” or “God is going to punish you if you don’t do the ‘right thing’ or are only be friends with people that are like you.” This is scary and hard to navigate and not kin-dom work. We do NOT believe the commandment in this way.
The apostle Paul, who began to strengthen the communities of faith after the death and resurrection of Jesus, used the Greek terms koinonia and phronesis - meaning fellowship/partnership and friendship as one and the same. These words were standard elements of friendship language in the ancient world that help connect ambiguous ideas of friendship to the expectation of the faith community. Through these words of fellowship and partnership Paul develops a theology of friendship with two traits. The first is a reciprocity of gifts (immaterial and material) which stems from a mutual phronesis - a way of thinking, feeling, and acting patterned after Jesus. The second in Paul’s definition of friendship is enduring suffering on behalf of the other.
What strikes me with these two traits is the idea of the gift and the idea of suffering and that God is behind all of it. What strikes me is that friendship is an act of love and none of that is easy.
What do you think Jesus means when he calls us “to lay down our life for our friends?”